Do you have what it takes to be a power goth? Well lets see how you fit into the top ten guide to being a true Power Goth!
PeterAmthor's Top Ten guide to being a Power Goth
1. Raise hand to forehead, staple in place, moan.
2. Clothing.
Black, need I say more. Everything from you long black trench coat, to your black shirts proudly displaying some obscure band name. Remember two layers, that way if the outside layer rips you still want the color of your soul to shine through.
3. Other Accessories.
The only things that should be bright, shiny, and of course silver. Jewelry. Its always an added plus if they are a religious symbol of some sort instead of the over used skulls and bones that are around so much nowadays. For Goths of the femminen persuasion Egyptian Slave Bracelets are recommended.
Lighters and smokes. You can't be out in the night without a trusty lighter and a pack of cancer sticks. The lighter needs to be a Zippo, no substitutes accepted. The designs should follow under the same rules as jewelry, silver and religious, although obscure band names are once again accepted. The finish should be either silver or flat black. Now the smokes can be that of any brand but they must not be in thier original packaging. Find a metal tin lidded box for them, same rules apply to this that the zippo lighters have. Also remember to smoke them slowly as you contemplate the absurdity of existance it adds to the appearance.
You wear your sunglasses at night. No mirrored ones, no colored lenses, no colored frames. Black folks, gotta be black. Only the frames can be silver. Nuff said.
4. Hair.
Stop cutting it. Well all except your facial hair, that must be either clean shaven or in the form of a neatly trimmed goatee. The rest should be as straight as possible, starch is a good way of achieving this. Also don't forget the healthy does of Black dye wether you need it or not. Always keep it in a tail while in 'travel' mode and hanging down in front of your face while in 'sulk' mode. Just be careful when lighting up a cig. hair dye tends to aid the burning process.
5. 'Sulk' mode.
There are times when you should look as if you are in the deepest recesses of depression, on the verge of deepest darkness, as if someone just ran over your puppy. You must hide in the shadows around you. Corners are good for this they tend to have the most shadows available. Don't speak just stare. Stoop over a bit and lean away from the nearest source of light, unless its a black light then lean your head back so it will shine over face. Now repeat rule number 1.
6. Behavior.
Don't smile! Remember your life is an unending agony with no hope of salvation. Look with disdain at anything happy or amusing. The stare is important so practice it for the eyes are the gateway to your blackened soul. So be sure to carry some visine to keep the red out.
7. Speaking.
Always try to use at least three (3) adjectives for every noun in a sentence, the longer the word the better. The subject should usually revolve around the worst parts of life (you know life in general) and then color it a shade darker. Other good topics are: Dark music, Dark movies, Dark clothing, and bright shiny silver jewelry.
8. Skintone.
Don't frequent the tanning salons and stay out of the sun (you know that big evil bright orb of yellow light in the sky). Pale is good despite what your doctor may tell you. Makeup can help this look.
9. Make up.
Lighten up your skin tone to almost the point of pure white. This will help people in cars spot you when you're crossing the street at night in your black clothing because you damn sure didn't see them with you sunglasses on. Now 'highlight' you eyes with a black eyeliner, add in a little black lipstick and fingernail polish and viola'!
10. Music.
You know goth music, those black skinny CD's. Music type depends upon your current angst level. High angst calls for some swedish death metal. Mid angst is when its time for a bad Sisters of Mercy rip off band. Finally a moody instrumental for those rare periods of low angst.