1. Be a victim, B E a victim.

2. Hair. Anything other than your own natural color is a great start. The more unnatural the better, make sure to keep streaks of various colors running through it all. Try to keep most of it dark though as it represents your damaged psyche.

3. Make-up. Black lipstick, black eyeliner, black nail polish, you get the point here. Every now and then shake it up with some dark red lipstick; Slutacular #5 is a good choice. Now remember to powder that face to make all that black stand out.

4. Make it up. If your life isn’t really all that angsty or messed up then improvise and outright lie. Toss in a few tales of a rapist boyfriend, victim of sexual assault stories, abusive older siblings and the ever present tale of being singled out by all the teachers and administration in school. That should cover it, don’t worry over details though, most of the people that you will be hanging out are unlikely to question too deep as you may questions their stories in return.

5. Get some ink done girl. Tattoos are expressive of your own broken mind. Just don’t get them professionally done. Go to some guy’s house that does his work in the extra room slash bondage dungeon. Who cares about clean ink, clean needles and clean hands… or straight lines, correct spelling and proper needle depth?

6. Put yourself in bad situations and blame others afterwards. Get dressed up in skank gear and go to a party, do some shots off of you friends belly, pop some pills and smoke whatever people give you. Later when you’re drunk and stoned out of your mind let the guys pull a train on you in the back room, condoms purely optional of course. Then later on talk about how you were victimized and it was all their fault.

7. Clothing. Over used veteran streetwalker chic as the base. Toss in some various other objects for flavor, bondage gear, band shirts, lacey gloves and all that.

8. Friends. Only hang out with those who are truly as shattered as you. The super angsty power goth boys and the other gother girls like you. That way you can share in each others' uniqueness of being just like each other.

9. Photo time. After all since you are going to be the next big gothic model you need to get a portfolio together. But, as with the tats, don’t go for a professional. Get a 30 to 50 something balding, overweight guy who does the photo shoots in the extra room slash bondage dungeon. If he does it for free than that’s even better. Extra points if he has his own website and doesn’t use his real name.

10. Myspace. Display your pics, thoughts, ideas and tits for the entire world to see. Who cares if it’s on the web service that is the top choice for backroom internet porn recruiters and convicted sexual predators? Don’t forget to give out your real name and phone number!

We now have some Goth T-Shirts Available! Go check them out if you will.